Local Man Found In Love Nest With Chimpanzee!!

Blind River, Dec. 3: Shane McBride, was found today residing in a cabin just outside of town in what the RCMP described as "a love nest full of sex toys."

Responding to a report of someone disturbing the peace, two officers tracked the noise to a nearby cabin from which loud "metal music" could be heard a considerable distance away. After attempting the get someone to open the door, the officers believed they heard screams and broke the door down.

Inside they found McBride engaged in what was described only as "relations" with a chimpanzee later identified as an undocumented immigrate from the United States who gave the name "Chongo Chimp" from Chicago.

Further investigation found that Chimp was of indeterminate sex, as the police originally thought this also applied to McBride. Neither being the owner of the cabin they were taken into custody on charges of criminal trespass, disturbance of the peace, vandalism, and others. Chimp was also charged with illegal entry into Canada.

They are to appear in Court on Monday.