Bert Williams recorded this under the title I'LL LEND YOU ANYTHING. The following is from the sheet music at Johns Hopkins University (Levy Collection):


I'LL LEND YOU EVERYTHING I'VE GOT EXCEPT MY WIFE
Words by Jean C. Havez, music by Harry Von Tilzer, ©1910.

1. When the wine goes in, the truth comes out, and Simpson was that way.
If you'd only stand and listen while he told you all his troubles, he would never let you buy all day.
He'd stand and spend,
And buy and lend,
Till he got good and gay.
You never could imagine
What his trouble was about
Until he grabbed you by the buttonhole to say:

CHORUS: "I'll lend you my horse; I'll lend you my hay.
I'll lend you anything I've got; take it away.
I'll lend you five; I'll lend you ten,
And if you want some more, be sure and come around again.
I'll lend you my hat;
I'll lend you my flat,
My brand new overcoat of fur.
I'll lend you ev'rything I've got except my wife, and I'll make you a present of her."

2. It never rains but what it pours, as Simpson seems to know.
He went home one afternoon and found his wife had asked her relatives to come and spend a year or so.
And he, of course,
Slept with the horse,
And yelled out: "Hip hooray!"
So long as he was able,
He preferred to use the stable.
When the neighbors came around, you'd hear him say: CHORUS