Some of the old buggers I worked with when an apprentice;

"Like a wooden dog with a tin prick."

"One of the finest men ever to piss through a tin trumpet"

"As much use as a one legged bloke at an arse kicking contest."

The BBC comedy writer Johnny Speight put a wonderful line for Alf Garnett "If you want to achieve true democracy, you've got to be prepared to shoot a few people."