The Sots actually have a very fine, if somewhat dead-pan sense of humour – this is a story told by Belle Stewart at the Singers Club in the seventies.

The Woman On The Scales.
There was this old woman, you know, and she come fae the country and she was goin' tae Glesca and she cam' into the station and she had a half-an-hour to wait on her train.
Well, she saw these machines at the station, you know, and she's walkin' doon the platform and it speaks your weight and tells your fortune when you put the money in. She says, "I dinna believe it!"
However, she puts in the penny and the machine says, "You're fifteen stone. When you step off this machine you'll fart."
She stepped off the machine, she give a hell of a fart. She says, "God, that's great! It does know."
So on she goes and gets on again, and it says now, "You're fifteen stone and you're gaun tae be seduced when you walk off this machine." Off she gets, off the machine, and doon comes a big hieland man in, tearin' along the platform and he throws her to the ground and he makes passionate love to her.
Oh my God, she's so exhausted. She says, "That's great! That's good! I must try it again."
And she put another penny in and this time it says, "You are fifteen stone, but with all your fartin' and your fuckin' aboot you've missed your train!"
Jim Carroll