keberoxu, your last post brought tears to my eyes, it was so sad. You were like a wild bird in a luxurious but imprisoning cage.

I can relate to some of your emotions, as I too clung to academia, being too insecure (and much younger than my fellow University students) to dare to pursue the life I really wanted. Teaching paid the mortgage and gave me much-treasured independence, but it wasn't my 'true love' at all.

It can be very hard to live as an adult carrying sadness and regret from one's early years around. The struggle can become overwhelming at times. I do feel for you, and hope you can find strength and peace in your present life.

Thinking of you.
Eliza