Dean / frogprince, many thanks, deeply appreciated.

I have done some wicked, hurtful, despicable, cruel things in life, with irreversible consequences, and I feel the need to be big enough to face and confront my accountability, to be reconciled with my conscience. And this is where I encounter the part of me that does not want to grow up and be responsible, that would rather stay defensive and hold onto the hard grudging attitude. It seems that the peaceable way through this, is to maintain and support my own awareness of this inner conflict, and, instead of resisting or even pushing further, to breathe through the tension and the hurt and to stay present, while letting a grace greater than my own forces do what such grace has the power to do. This is sufficient effort to keep me awake at night, and yet it has to be done -- at least, it has to be attempted, in something like good faith that there is a way through. Thanks for listening.