Hah! Back there in Adams County, Illinois, is the city of Quincy. For some reason, probably because there were lots of Germans and Irish there and they could fight each other, my ancestors on both sides settled there. Right on the banks of Mighty Mississloppy River. Mark Twain country. Abe Lincoln country.

Anyway, long about backaways, my paternal grandpa Shorty was born to a guy named George. George had a farm on some land out on North 18th Street, and the Catolicks in town needed a second cemetery cuz so many were dying. A couple of the churches got together and bought some land for the cemetery from a guy named Benson or something -- began with a B, anyway. Each church paid USD 3,700, which back in 1905 or so was a pretty chunka change. Now that land belonged to George. I ain't saying money changed hands, which I'm sure it did, and I'm not saying George and this other fella diddled the churches out of a few grand, but it sure stinks even now.

Here's the thing: George became the sexton (caretaker) for the new cemetery. He diddled 'em on the land and then landed the job taking care of it.

Anyway, eventually he has a buncha kids: Bill, Shorty, Lawrence, Al, Joe, and some others too numerous to mention. Bill became an auctioneer, Lawrence became a really good painter, Al became a farmer SOUTH of town, and Joe followed George as sexton for that cemetery (our old family farm!) but for the other three Catlick cemeteries in town.

Now Shorty, he became a carpenter. He started courtin' a girl named Mary, and they got married. Some six months later they had a bouncing baby boy -- my father. And it was a miracle, cuz that bouncing baby boy was a full term baby!! Yes! He developed so quickly he did in six months what every other baby took nine months to do! (The alternative solution is...well, I just can't believe my very own grandparents were, um, canoodling and that a shotgun in the hands of her father, Frank, was involved.)

I ain't got no pictures ta show ya, so ya gotta take my word that every man in my family was and is the paragon of masculinity and good looks and the women were all sexy, svelte, and smarter than the men.