I have a neighbor who grew up on a farm in Missouri. One day she told me her brother is still on the farm, and he raises free-range chickens.

"Of course they really live in boxes," she said.

Later I got to thinking about the rural Midwest and all its hazards: coyotes, foxes, feral dogs and cats, hawks, large owls, human thieves and vandals. I'm sure the chickens are much happier in their boxes.
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How I cook turkey: I buy a Butterball and I follow the directions on the package. But I am considering cooking a turkey in a paper bag, just to play in the kitchen.