Sod it. This section is so heavy that I thought I'd go out of character and start a cheese information thread. Arrogant pillock!   

I am an aficionado of proper cheese. I'll start the ball rolling by telling you that I think that Wookey Hole cave-aged cheddar is the finest cheddar I've ever eaten. And the cave in question is actually in Cheddar Gorge! Close on the heels are Green's cheddar and Quicke's mature cheddar, the latter made by Mrs Quicke MBE in Newton St Cyres near Crediton. You haven't lived until you've been to Quicke's farm shop just off the A377. Our Bude butcher used to get his free-range pork from their farm, the pigs having been fed on the whey. Best pork I've ever tasted, sadly no more.

As for harder blue cheeses, the finest two ever to grace my palate have been Bath Blue, hard to get beyond Bath as it oxidises rapidly once cut (though Gloucester Services sell it), and Stichelton, which is basically Stilton made with raw milk (legally, Stilton must be made only with pasteurised milk). Like Bath Blue, Stichelton doesn't keep. But it out-Stiltons Stilton by a country mile. Gorgeous.

As for softer blue cheeses, I admit to loving St Agur, rich, salty and creamy. But there's also Montagnolo, Italian name though made in Germany. Bloody fabulous, and you really should eat the grey, mouldy rind.

I also love Brie but am content with Sainsbury's Somerset Brie, consistently good and flowing as long as you remember to give it a few hours out of the fridge. There may be better out there, but it's brilliant stuff for £1.50 a whack.

For a cheese butty, you can't beat a bit of Lancashire, either with piccalilli or with a nice tomato relish. I've yet to buy a bad piece of Lancashire.