PICKIN' ON THE CHICKEN
As recorded by Ray Stevens on "Here We Go Again" (2015).

You know, if a chicken could talk, he might say somethin' like this:

Why's ev'rybody pickin' on the chicken?
What did a chicken ever do to you?
Why's ev'rybody pickin' on the chicken?
What a crock o' cock-a-doodle-doo!

Now I'm not the kind o' bird to squawk,
But seems like these days folks can't talk
Without somehow slanderin' the chicken's name.
But bigotry and discrimination
Dominate the syntax o' this whole nation.
It's enough to drive a dumb dominicker insane.

Folks say "flew the coop" when the thief's departed,
And if he's lackin' courage, he's chicken-hearted,
And if he messes up, he's got egg on his face.
You work for chicken feed, or had to scheme.
Somethin's stuck in his craw—see what I mean?
The many references to chickens are commonplace.

Bird brain, dumb cluck,
No spring chicken, strut your stuff,
Nest egg, bad egg,
Shake your tail feather, cocky an' such,
Laid an egg, in a stew,
I don't know what a chicken can do.
You know, bein' a chicken in this environment is nothin' to crow about.

I mean, a chicken's life is not all it's cracked up to be.
No, and stop questioning my motives about crossin' the road!
I don't know why I did it. Hey, I'm a chicken!
Yeah! Maybe I did it to show the possum it could be done!
Or sing a duet with Willie Nelson.
What diff'rence does it make?
I crossed the road, okay?
Get over it!

And it's time to stop pickin' on the chicken.
I mean, what did a chicken ever do to you?
It's time to stop pickin' on the chicken.
What a crock of cock-a-doodle-doo!

Don't count your chickens 'fore they hatch.
Don't put all your eggs in one basket.
Dont put up a squawk, or all your chickens might come home to roost.
People get up with the chickens, go to bed with the chickens,
And are concerned about the pecking order.
He's the cock o' the walk; he rules the roost,
Broods over problems like empty nest syndrome.
You know what makes me madder than a wet hen?
What does ev'ry strange thing from frog legs to rattlesnake taste like?
That's right—chicken!

Now some sort o' reference that doesn't include a chicken is rare as hen's teeth.
Now you got me doin' it!
I'll be so upset, before long, I'll be runnin' around like a chi—
A chicken with his head cut off, okay?
Somebody stop me!
What came first: the chicken, or the egg?
Oh, I feel like I'm walkin' on eggs.
I feel henpecked.
Why did the punk rocker cross the road?
He was stapled to the chicken!
You know it ain't over till the fat chicken sings!
And that's me!
Is this any good or did I just lay an egg?