Smoked Mackerel Tartare

Two or three smoked mackerel fillets, skinned and flaked
Two hard-boiled eggs, chopped up
A large gherkin or the equivalent in those stupid little cocktail jobbies, chopped into little pieces
4 tablespoons Hellmann's
Black pepper
Chopped parsley (or dill) - a tablespoonish
Squirt of proper lemon juice out of a real lemon

Combine.

You can just put everything unchopped on a board and chop it all together if you like and add a bit of lemon juice afterwards. Don't over-chop. Keep your chopper under control. Lemon zest on top is good.

It's a bit posh is this. Impress your mates. Serve it with some fancy ciabatta or something equally pretentious.