Well, as I personally don't really like to manipulate people, especially in a mean way, I read "the rules" and I asked why they'd put those rules in there. And the answer I came up with is "so that you can learn to treat yourself with respect."

A lot of women do those so-called "rules" naturally, without thinking about it. They're the ones who are comfortable being surrounded by guys, because they act as if their own self is valuable. They also treat the guys with respect.

Some women don't know how to treat themselves as valuable people with a life of their own. These people sit around by the phone waiting for the guy to call, because they can't think of anything better to do. These are the people who, as soon as they meet an attractive man, decide how many children they're going to have, and what kind of house they're going to live in, and who they're going to invite to the wedding. These are the people who play the real games, like whining, making the guy feel guilty for any little thing, emotional blackmail, and so on, to try to tie that life to theirs because they can't stand the echoing emptiness of their own heads.

They are waiting for a guy to come and fill them, and make them valuable. If a man does, he is trapped into giving her an identity. That's not a healthy way to make a relationship! No other person can do that! Only you can make yourself valuable, by doing what is important to you.

After I read the book, I threw the rules out, because I understood the concepts behind them.

Those same "manipulative" rules, are the only thing standing between some men and being swallowed whole by the women in their lives.

If a woman is acting out of those rules, she is more likely to treat the man with care. She is less likely to throw a fit if he wants time alone, or time to visit HIS friends. She is less likely to manipulate him by using sex as a carrot that he never quite gets. When she has a headache, she really has a headache, and it's not some weird game! She is more likely to be secure in the relationship, and not freaking out that he's seeing someone on te side, because she knows that she's valuable. She also knows, that if he doesn't understand how valuable she is, that there are other guys who will.

Maybe by following those rules, they can have the life they always dreamed of, and develop real self-esteem on the way.

The goal is eventually to throw the rules away, and act as natural humans beings who love each other. I was lucky to be able to understand that, and go straight to that step.

If you look at the underlying psychological reasons that the authors chose those rules, it makes perfect sense.

And yes, like any other system, there will be some people who take it over, and do it in a way that is unkind. Christianity preached love and peace, and the Church sowed war and hatred. Christ's message is stil valuable, if you read between the lines.

"The Rules" is about women's self-respect, and personal romantic power. So of course, some people are going to use it out of weakness, and sow pain.

People who actually do it right, are less likely to be manipulative. They're too busy to act in any way that is not direct, and too respectful of themselves to act in a way that is dishonourable. Which is a bonus to the man.

(Anyway... sorry that was so long! I get really fired up about this subject!)