I, though I'm in California, have the same understanding as Steve - sessions are instrumental, and singarounds are vocal (sometimes accompanied by instruments). But nonetheless, the issue is similar for both, so I think we can talk about both.

At instrumental sessions, I'm rather shy about my abilities (or lack thereof) as an instrumentalist, so I'm happy to hide in a corner and try to play along softly. I think I'd die if anybody asked me to introduce a tune. So, I hope people will leave me unmolested in my corner. As long as I'm left alone, I'm happy.

But as a singer, I humbly suggest that I'm "not too bad," so I actively participate in singarounds (mostly in the U.S., but also on occasion in Ireland, Scotland, and England). I try to adhere to local custom when I'm away from home, but I'm more assertive at home in Northern California. I attend two monthly singarounds at home, and they're very different. Since 1993, I've been part of the Sacramento Family Song Circle, which emphasizes community singing out of the Rise Up Singing and Rise Again songbooks. The group is not supposed to have a leader, but I confess that I more-or-less succeeded Bob Fitch as the "alpha male" in the song circle when Bob left*. And then I ended up being associate editor of the Rise Again book, so that kinda sealed things for me. There are a few people in the group who are able to lead songs, so I let them take the lead when it's their turn or when it's a song they do particularly well; but I usually end up starting and carrying most songs. I try to sing underneath the other singers to give them confidence without standing out too much myself. I usually can't sing harmony in this group because too many people follow me; but we're getting better, and that lets me sing harmony on songs that people know well. There is some awkwardness at times, but usually we pull it off pretty well, especially if we have good instrumentalists present.

About 10 years ago, a woman named Sharon Carl moved to the city of Auburn, California - about 12 miles from my home. Sharon had been a member of the "In Harmony's Way" group in the East San Francisco Bay area, and she started a group she calls "In Harmony's Way Up In Auburn." Sharon also hosts instrumental sessions and house concerts, and she has single-handedly transformed the "music scene" (I hate that term) in our area. We meet on the third and fifth Sunday afternoons of every month, and it is the most welcoming and supportive singaround I have ever attended. We welcome both beginners and professionals, and everybody has a good time. Sharon started out reading "the rules" at the beginning of every session, and the rest of us (often led by Joe Offer) took delight in defying "the rules" - and Sharon eventually stopped referring to "the rules." But she set a tone of mutual respect and acceptance, and that has stuck with us. The expectation is that we show up prepared to sing three songs for and with the others. We sing a lot of chorus songs, so that everyone is included. Instruments are welcome, but instrumentalists should play only if invited by the person whose turn it is. We had one guy who wanted to play his tambourine on every song, so I made a point of chanting "the rules" (gee, it's good to have rules). He doesn't come very often any more, but his wife does.

-Joe-

*Bob dated many women in the song circle, and I dated a few after he left. I met my wife at the Sacramento Song Circle when she was Bob's date. So, the term "alpha male" has a number of implications....