THE BARMAID AT THE ROSE AND CROWN
As recorded by George Formby.

In town there is a little pub which gives much satisfaction.
The men don't go there for the beer; the barmaid's the attraction.
Her age is—oh, well, quite all that, and more on Monday mornin'.
She knows her onions, take my word; she's heard the gypsy's warnin'.

She lays on powder thick as crust; I've smacked her cheeks and what a fuss!
I couldn't see her face for dust, the barmaid at the Rose and Crown.

She wears nice undies full of thrills, all silk and lace and saucy frills.
I know because I've seen the bills, and paid 'em at the Rose and Crown.

There is a tavern in the town, in the town,
And in that tavern, there's a bust forty inches 'round.

She's got a figure fine and fair; there's lots of it and some to spare.
It goes in here and comes out there, the barmaid at the Rose and Crown.

She likes to think that you are hers, and if you prove a quitter,
She'll cry into your glass of mild and turn it into bitter.
She'll have a little drink with you and make you nice and cosy,
And if you never count your change, you'll make a hit with Rosie.

She always looks so very posh; so many rings she wears, by gosh,
Her hands she'll never has to wash, the barmaid at the Rose and Crown.

The pendant round her neck is great; it's larger than a dinner plate.
She's got round shoulders with the weight, the barmaid at the Rose and Crown.

There is a tavern in the town, in the town,
And in that tavern there's a lass in a glitt'ring gown.

With jewellery, she takes the bun; her earrings weigh quite half a ton.
She lets me swing on them for fun, the barmaid at the Rose and Crown.

Now if you want her to seize, and round her waist you give a squeeze,
You'll hear her shout: "Not this side, please!" the barmaid at the Rose and Crown.

If she ever falls for you, her kiss will last an hour or two.
She's got her lipstick mixed with glue, the barmaid at the Rose and Crown.

There is a tavern in the town, in the town,
And in that tavern there are lips that have won renown.

But if you take her for a mug, and ever try to sneak a hug,
She'll kick you in the bottle and jug, the barmaid at the Rose and Crown.