I ALWAYS GET TO BED BY HALF PAST NINE
As recorded by George Formby, 31-May-1940.

Long hours don't appeal to me; up late I never sit.
Early to bed, I've always said, keeps us young men fit.

One evening while in gay Paree,
A nice young lady said: "Oui, oui!"
I said: "Such things aren't good for me.
I always get to bed by half past nine."
An air-raid warden shouted: "Men,
Expect a raid at half past ten."
I said: "No use; it's too late then.
I always get to bed by half past nine."
I never wander around after dark.
I pop my nose under the clothes and I'm up with the lark.
Opposite, a girl so slick
By candlelight undresses quick.
Nine thirty-five, she snuffs her wick.
I always get to bed by half past nine.

I curl my knees up to my chin when into bed I fall.
All through the night, I'm tucked up tight with my face turned to the wall.

Our little hens were makin' free.
The rooster said: "Don't flirt with me.
I'm not so young as I used to be.
I always get to bed by half past nine."
A bookie bolted, sad to tell,
The punters all began to yell.
He shouted as he ran like—well:
"I always get to bed by half past nine."
I never wander around after dark.
I pop my nose under the clothes and I'm up with the lark.
A sultan said: "You look hot stuff.
My hundred wives I use, no bluff."
I said: "For me, one's quite enough.
I always get to bed by half past nine."

I heard our old tomcat shout:
"Maria, are you coming out?"
But Maria knows what she's about,
'Cause she always gets to bed by half past nine.
A nudist said: "Of clothes I've none.
Still, I won't be sat upon.
It's time I put my nightie on.
I always get to bed by half past nine."
I never wander around after dark.
I pop my nose under the clothes and I'm up with the lark.
My family's too large for our flat.
I've got fourteen kids; my hat!
But I'm really not surprised at that.
I always get to bed by half past nine.