I have used these to hecklers 'Thank you for your interruption...give me your address and I'll be round tonight to interrupt while you're performing'

When God gave you teeth he spoiled a good arsehole

I refuse to have a battle of wits with an unarmed person

Go and stand near the wall...that's plastered too

Ah...a bad case of bottle fatigue

If you're going to heckle at least be coherent