See if you get your enlistment bonus, Amos! It will be sent to the Aid to Lower Slobovian Veterans of the Great Sun Shutdown War (ALSVGSSW). Like you, many of them suffer from nyctophobia and yet they have and will fight those who would shut off our Sun. Unlike you many also suffer from heliophobia, causing them to shun "the limelight" and although many are also wonderful singers and performers on the Slobovian Pyrophone without equal anywhere, they do not perform in public as they also suffer the enochlophobia. Your enlistment bonus, "The Earth's Shilling" as it is called, will be used to help these veterans have a full and meaningful like.

YOU will still have to report and serve!

I probably didn't mention that there's also now a draft....