I wear shorts and casual short-sleeve shirts, light in colour and as flowery-patterned as possible, when I'm on holiday. I never take long trousers with me and I only ever wear sandals on my feet. No socks. I've worn socks once since last Christmas, for an hour at an old mate's funeral. When I got there and saw what everyone else was wearing I realised I needn't have bothered. In recent years I've been on many holidays to Europe. I have never been refused access to a shop, bar or restaurant. I don't want to inhabit any establishment that would so refuse me. As a matter of fact, I believe that there are very few such places these days. Quite right too.

And I can't see myself ever going on a cruise, especially one that has "formal nights." I think I'd rather hack off my own family jewels with a rusty machete.