Well Susan, you've given me another reason to avoid heaven.

And Spaw, it's good to see you pulling for Carol this morning. For a while I thought you might be jealous. If Carol is awarded a gold-plated McGill at the Atherly Arms this year we should be most proud.

You see, Carol is the first mudcatter and the second musician to be in the running for Ms McGill. The only other musician to win the award was Farley McPherson who was Miss McGill 1998 and also Ms McGill 1999.

Back before 1998, Farley liked to play Charlie Mingus riffs on his double bass while he ice fished. One day in 1998 he was a little hung over from ice fishing the day before when he mistook the McGill that had been polished up to transport Miss McGill in the Christmas parade for a fish hut.

McGills are luxurious toilets, about the size of economy fish huts. If he'd been an accordion player, Farley would have been ok. He would have had a pleasant place to sit and room to move his arms while playing basses against counter-basses with chords and scrumptious melodies. However, being an ample human himself and since his double bass was bigger than a short neck banjo, he got quite stuck. He was able to turn around enough to sit comfortably but he couldn't get out.

Before he could hook live minnows on his spreader and drop it down the hole, Farley discovered that he couldn't budge. This was late in the year and Orillia's Christmas parade was bearing down on us. The parade is one of the many important events that happen in Orillia each year. Orillians line the streets for the parade from Couchiching park, up Mississauga Street, around by Soldiers Memorial Hospital, and back down Coldwater Road, past the McGill attached to the back of Rombo's Restaurant.

Multitudes of women were in the running for Miss McGill that year. Miss McGill was almost as popular as Santa Claus and Farley was stuck in the toilet threatening to sue McGill Environmental for big money. In the spirit of Christmas and in a desperate effort to save the parade for all the children who believe in Santa Claus and all their fathers who believe in Miss McGill, someone suggested making Farley Miss McGill 1998.

Farley enjoyed the parade and he was one of the most popular Miss McGills that we've ever had in Orillia. Seems to have been something to do with the water here and vivid imaginations.

The problem was that they couldn't pry Farley out until several months after the parade. By then he was threatening to sue again. He'd grown tired of being called Miss McGill and didn't feel that it was politically correct. By the time he's lost enough weight to be extricated from the blue plastic toilet, he talked McGill Environmental into changing the title to Ms McGill and making him Ms McGill 1999.

Farley McPherson's had numerous great ideas while he sat those many months on the toilet. Unfortunately, his luck had changed by the time he escaped. His idea of selling McGills and double basses to folks who wanted to lose weight didn't catch on at all even though the acoustics in McGills are superb.