I am not sure who wrote or sang this little ditty , maybe Oscar Brand on L
one of his bawdy songs albums.. Anyway, it's inappropriate:
          Last night I contemplated masturbation, oh wasn't it grand
Oh wasn't it grand!
         With a flip of the hand, with the flip of the hand!
Left hand, right hand, flip it in and out!
         Left hand right hand, flip it all about!
         They say that sexual intercourse is something very grand
         But for personal satisfaction I would rather use my hand.
!