...UK economy was the weakest in Europe in the first quarter of 2017. The UK’s large Continental peers – Germany, France – grew by 0.6 per cent and 0.4 per cent respectively. Britain’s 0.2 per cent expansion in the three months to March put it at the bottom of the EU league table. The UK had the lowest GDP growth rate in the European Union in the first quarter of 2017, according to the European statistics agency Eurostat.

Britain’s 0.2 per cent expansion in the three months to March, down sharply from the 0.7 per cent growth in the final quarter of 2016, put it at the bottom of the EU league table.

The UK’s large Continental peers – Germany, France – grew by 0.6 per cent and 0.4 per cent respectively. Reports last week suggested Italy’s economy had grown by 0.2 per cent in the first quarter – equal to the UK. But Eurostat now puts Italy’s growth at 0.4 per cent. Even Greece, which has endured years of depression, grew faster than the UK, with its economy expanding by 0.4 per cent.

Data is not yet available for Malta, Luxembourg and Ireland, but given those economies grew at a quarterly rate of 1.7 per cent, 1.3 per cent and 2.5 per cent respectively in the final quarter of 2016 it would take a remarkable collapse for them to come below the UK. (Independent, June 7 2017)

According to Expert Market, which looked at the productivity of the 35 biggest economies, the UK came in at 16th, below every major EU economy except for Spain and Italy.(Independent, July 16 2016), way below Sweden, Ireland, Germany, France, Denmark, the Netherlands, Finland and Austria.

But sez Iains, (clearly blinded by his obsessive need to hurl insults), "By any metric the UK ranks in the first three economies in the EU. How can we be more sluggish in our growth and productivity than ourselves?"

Ah, those damned facts, Iains, always getting in the way, aren't they? What "metric" were you using? The length of bananas or the straightness of cucumbers by any chance?