THE SEWERS OF THE STRAND
As recorded by Spike Milligan

[Crowd noises.]

[Spoken:] Yes, folks, I can understand their feelings because they are about to play--

[Sings:] Sideways through the sewers of the Strand on a Sunday afternoon,
Sideways through the sewers of the Strand will be our honeymoon.
Ankle-deep, folks, in sludge, dear, we'll walk hand in hand.
They do say that the sewers of the Strand are the finer....(?)

Sideways through the sewers of the Strand will be paradise for two.
Who cares if the atmosphere is blue?
'Cause there's nothing wrong
With a good old British pong,
Sideways through the sewers of the Strand with you.

[Spoken:] Ah, my darling little bride!
We met by accident, folks; she ran over me in a tram.
Her name was Beulah; mine was Jim.
I was glad they called me Jim, folks, because that was my name.
I found out that she'd been going out with an Irish dentist called Phil McCavity.
He walked with a pronounced limp: L-I-M-P, pronounced limp, folks.
Oh, the worry to my grave(?).
This gave me a stranger feeling since I was bald at the time.
Ah, the first time I met her, it was late early one morning in spring.
There was a heavy dew on the grass.
He'd just been thrown out of the synagogue for eating during the sermon.
I told her: "Darling, let me take you away from the squalor you live in, and live in the squalor I live in."
So we were married in the spring, folks.
We had the reception in the pond.
There was was plenty to drink, folks.
And then off we went, folks.

[Sung:] Sideways through those naughty sewers of the naughty Strand--
Not one but two, folks.
Who cares if the atmosphere is blue?
'Cause there's nothing wrong--is there?--
With a good old British pong.
Sideways through the sewers of the Strand with you.
I don't mean maybe.

[Crowd noises.]