JIMMY'S UNLUCKY DAY
By my big brother Pete MacNab

One day Jimmy set off tae go tae the game.
His wife said, "The bathroom you'll paint when yer hame.
Ye'll clean it and scrub it and make it all bright,
But ye'll be decorating when ye get home tonight."

Well after the game Jimmy went tae the pub.
"I'll hae a pint noo and get on wi' the job."
But his team it was beaten, I'm sorry to say,
And Jim had encountered an unlucky day.

Now once he was hame and he'd finished his tea,
The first place he went was the WC.
He lifted the lid and sat doon on the pan,
For Jimmy I'm told was a regular man.

He looked 'roon the room as he sat there in state,
And he lit up a fag tae help him ruminate.
He casually dropped the lit match doon the pan,
And the bowl and poor Jimmy blew up wi' a bang.

Well Jimmy was burnt in a delicate part,
And his wife in the kitchen she got quite a start.
The spirits for cleaning she'd poured doon the pan,
And there lay her husband – only half of a man.

She dialled 999 and an ambulance arrived.
They lifted poor Jimmy more dead than alive.
They put him on a stretcher with his arse in the air,
And began tae transport him doon the tenement stair.

One asked Mrs Jim what had happened that night?
She told them the tale of how the pan caught alight.
They started tae chuckle. Aye, they both had tae laugh,
And they wobbled the stretcher and poor Jim fell aff.

With a terrible crash Jimmy fell doon the stair.
He broke his left leg and his backside was bare.
Now here is the end tae this terrible farce:
Jim can't stand on his leg nor sit doon on his arse.