I passed (?) mine with, er, flying colours a couple of weeks ago. It's only three days' worth of smears, Will, not five.

One of those "you really couldn't bloody make this up" moments happened to me apropos (apropoo?) of this topic. I was being examined in the bodily region in question via the deeply-inserted finger of a somewhat strange lady doctor with hippie hair and a long, multi-coloured, flowing "earth mother" dress when she leaned over my jack-knifed body, looked me in the eyes and whispered "We can't go on meeting like this..."