ssex Wassail 1
(based on all the Wassails that we could find)
You gentlemen of England
I’ll have you to draw near
For we have come a wassailing
for your strong ale and beer
Wassail wassail, come listen to our call
wassail wassail, a health to one and all
God bless the master of the house
the misteress also
And all the little children that
around your table go
Wassail…..
Likewise your men and maidens
your cattle and your store
And all that dwell within your gates
we wish you ten times more
Wassail…..
Put your hand into your pocket and
draw out your keys
Go down unto your cellar
and draw what e’er you please
Wassail…..
Draw us a jug of your fine grog
or your ale that is so brown
And we will drink a health to you
and another to the crown
Wassail…..
From walking and from talking
we are so very dry
We trust your good nature that
you’ll never us deny
Wassail…..
This night you’ll never us deny
of your strong ale and beer for
We’ll come no more a-wassailing
until this time next year.
Wassail…..
-Traditional (Vicki Swan & Jonny Dyer’s version)
The Essex Wassail
1.Come all Chavs and Chavettes for' tis New Year's Day,
Pray weld on your baseball caps- into the the fray,
We'll go a binge drinking with language most foul,
Like rabid rotweilers to the main streets of Slough.

2. Our life's a widescreen, if yer know warra mean,
We all love 'X Factor' and 'Pirates of the Caribbeen'.
So to celebrate good taste and with customary grace
We'll give you a knucklebutty or a glass in the face.

Chorus
Wassail, Wassail, from Essex we hail,
We'll drink gnatspiss lager and watch Jeremy Kyle, innit!
And like that used condom that floats in the loo,
We'll flush out the old year and welcome the new!

3. From the taxis they tumble, those birds of a kind,
Call each other "baybs" as they eff and they blind,
Some they will pewk up and some may get laid,
And some will call each other effin slags and in they'll all wade.

4. Now some will present the most wond'rous of sights,
As vast tattooed flab spills from dresses too tight,
Though their gobs they are mighty, their braincells are few,
As they paint the town red while they turn the air blue

Chorus: Wassail, wassail

5. We're on a hair trigger, blue lights flash everywhere,
As we stagger on like lemmings from bar unto bar,
In the doorways we'll copulate, upon a broken window pane,
So join in our wassail, and get pissed out of your brain

Chorus: Wassail, wassail
Add:-
So let's spread this ancient Essex custom the whole nation through,
Let's flush out the old year and welcome the new!
So let's toast the work of Peter Andre and of Posh Spice too,
Let's flush out the old year and welcome the new!
-traditional mudcat