Well next time I'm at a football match, instead of spitting on cars I'll drop my pants and relieve meself in numero deux fashion on the pavement (I'll have the Daily Mail to hand)*. I'm wondering which of the two endeavours would be more likely to get me in the Manchester Evening News (Gawd bless it...)

Just whimsy, Nigel, just whimsy...

*And a small bottle of hand gel, of course. I'm not that uncivilised, you know.