Billy Connolly's song, sung to the tune of What A Friend We Have In Jesus.

Oh Jesus Christ, I'm nearly forty
My pubic hair is going grey
I can't cut the mustard like I used to
I think it's downhill all the way

And when you see me on the buses
Please don't offer me your seat
When you're crunching on those apples
I'll be sucking boiled sweets

Please don't leave me by the seaside
Don't shout as if my ears don't work
Never let me pee my trousers
Don't let me dribble down my shirt....


...And Billy's three golden rules for the over-60s:

Never pass up an opportunity to have a pee
Never waste an erection
Never trust a fart