Wooden bog seats are the best - until the buggers split. Then they're absolutely lethal. As you shift your weight, they open and shut like the doors of Hades, pinching yer tender skin and causing yelps from the smallest room.
A cracked bog seat must be the sure-fire way to make sure guests don't outstay their welcome!
On the subject of my friend with the waywayd bladder (who will have to remain anonymous, as I know he has sometimes looked in on the Mudcat), he was and is quite legendary.
One of the most unfortunate incidents was while driving in a minibus through one of the less salubrious bits of Glasgow at chucking out time when my friend announces, in a slightly panicky voice, that he's desperate.
Not wishing to stop, another bright spark pipes up "Just piss in one of the beer cans - there's enough of them lying around."
Sound idea, but my friend then proceeds to make a complete Horlicks of the timing of a delicate operation by whipping out his todger and opening the sluices before he manages to locate a suitable receptacle. Only to find that, in a fit if quite unnatural tidiness, another friend had cleared out all the empties and filled the box with full cans.
With an awesome display of hydraulics he proceeded to spray the entire van.
I can say from experience that sharing a fuggy minibus with a 15-stone ginger-headed pile of steaming wool liberally soaked in urine is not pleasant.