Words by Charlie Ipcar © 1993
Inspired by an Associated Press story – 9/9/93
Tune 19th Century Irish Music Hall: "I Wish They'd Do It Now."

JUSTICE EN LIEU

There are trials and tribulations as in life we make our way,
Often there's little justice, you can hear the people say;
Now comes the City of Machias, on Maine's rockbound shore,
Justice was all confounded at the Courthouse bathroom door.

'Twas in the year of '93, September the eighth day,
Judge Marsano left his chambers, or so the papers say;
He entered his private bathroom, his duty to pursue,
How could he have imagined – fourteen hours en lieu?

When he tried to leave the bathroom, he found it was no go;
The lock had jammed, his staff had left, no one could hear his woe;
So this Justice was confounded – his story will endure –
By the push-button locking system on the Courthouse bathroom door.

REFRAIN: On the Courthouse bathroom door,
On the Courthouse bathroom door,
By the push-button locking system
On the Courthouse bathroom door.

First he tried to force the lock, but 'twas to no avail,
If he'd only had a bucket, he might have gotten out on bail;
Next he removed the hinge pins, but that door refused to budge,
There seemed to be no earthly way to win early release for the Judge.

If he'd only brought some law-books, he might have shown more zeal,
He could have drafted a petition and gotten out on appeal;
But this Justice was confounded – his story will endure –
By the push-button locking system on the Courthouse bathroom door.

On the Courthouse bathroom door,
On the Courthouse bathroom door,
By the push-button locking system
On the Courthouse bathroom door.

So early the next morning, his staff was surprised to hear
Such unruly banging and shouting from the bathroom in the rear;
They smashed the lock to free the Judge, and the super did allow:
"It wasn't funny at the time but it sure is funny now!"