Further to "Guest Ted"'s post of (much) earlier;

The version I do is similar but with an extra verse;


Somehow the flowers never seem to grow
In my English country garden
Here are a few of the reasons that I know
And the rest I trust you'll pardon
Nettles in the flowerbed, bird droppings on the shed
Stick to the walls and harden
Oh, why must the weeds all propagate their seeds
In my English country garden

I had a look at an illustrated book
Showing every garden creature
But I've got a few too horrible to view
That the author dared not feature
Anaconda centipedes, Kamikaze bumble bees,
Even a vampire robin
It takes a gun not a spray to keep the pests at bay
In my English country garden.

I can't conceive that Adam and Eve
Wanted Eden for their garden,
I'll venture that they'd have swapped it for a flat,
If the church will beg my pardon.
When Adam and the serpent met Adam took him for a pet,
Serpents can be domesticated yet,
There's a few I can name even Adam couldn't tame
In my English country garden.

I will concede that I shall never be
A vegetable grower
So I've thought it through and this is what I'll do,
And to hell with Percy Thrower
Get a load of broken bricks, cover them with ready mix,
Spread it and let it harden
I'll cultivate a concrete estate
In my English country garden.