HOW MANY TIMES?
Words and music by Irving Berlin, ©1926.

I. From The Complete Lyrics of Irving Berlin edited by Robert Kimball, Linda Emmet (New York, NY: Applause Theatre & Cinema Books, 2001), page 230:

VERSE 1: A fellow and his lady friend walking and talking of love—
A moon that has a silvery lining is shining above.
The girlie says: "You certainly do like to coo like a dove!"
A nervous youth; a jealous miss
Who wants the truth is asking this:

CHORUS: How many times have you said: "I love you"?
How many times have you said: "I'll be true"?
How many wonderful sweeties have you told that to?
How many times has a certain feeling
Troubled you so that you hit the ceiling?
How many hands have you held all alone?
How many lips have you pressed to your own?
I'd hate to think that you kissed too many,
But I'd feel worse if you hadn't kissed any.
Please tell me: how many times?

VERSE 2: A certain thing has puzzled me greatly just lately, my dear:
Why does a fellow always get stupid when cupid is near?
Although I was the smartest at college, that knowledge, I fear,
Could never bring a Romeo
The only thing he wants to know: CHORUS

II. Additional verse sung by the Happiness Boys (Billy Jones & Ernest Hare), 1926. Note: their usual practice is to turn a song into a dialog between two male singers, sometimes changing words so it will make sense that way.

—How many times I have fallen in love?
—Say: did you fall, or did somebody shove?
—I've seen some eyes that remind me of heaven above.
—Now I know just why you seem so hazy.
—The beautiful girlies would drive me crazy.
—How many sweeties have sat on your lap?
—And each time they did, why, I felt like a sap.
—Tell me how you get all these peaches?
—I've got a stock of wonderful speeches.
I've told them so many times.

III. Additional tag lines sung by Nick Lucas "The Crooning Troubadour," 1926:

They call you up on the phone by dozens.
I know that all of them aren't your cousins.
Please tell me: how many times?

IV. Additional verse sung by the Brox Sisters, 1926:

How many sighs have you sighed in my ear?
How many lies have you whispered, my dear?
How many baby-blue eyes have you gazed right into?
How many loving words have you spoken?
How many promises have you broken?
How many times have you left me alone?
Told me that bus'ness has kept you from home?
I know where you were because I saw you,
And I got home just a minute before you.
Oh, baby, how many—tell me how many times—tell me how many times—
Please tell me how many times.