No, your not at all hopeless.

The really good accompanist of the Irish (and other) seem to play sort of "half chords" say a G with something added or taken away and it just seems to flow, sometimes taking up bits of the melody. But I think it's a skill in its own rights and one where DADGAD is favoured by a few...

It's beyond me... There are plenty of songs that will work with your chord pattern (And moving it to other keys) and that's mostly all I do with chords.