DUMMY LINE (consolidation and revision)

Across the prairie in a streak of rust
Something’s moving in a cloud of dust
Pulls out of the station with a wheeze and a whine
It’s the 2 o’clock flyer on the Dummy Dummy Line

CHORUS: On the Dummy Line, the Dummy Line
Rise and shine on the Dummy Dummy Line
Rain or shine you’ll pay your fine
When you ride on the Dummy on the Dummy Dummy Line

I said to the conductor, “Won’t you speed up a bit?”
He says, “You can jump off if you don’t like it.”
Says I, “Old man, I’d take your dare...”
“But the folks don’t expect me ‘til the train gets there.”
CHORUS

Little Willy got on the Dummy and he didn’t have his fare
The conductor hollered, “HEY! Whatcha doin’ there!?”
Willy got up and rushed toward the door
But he got cracked on the head with a two-by-four
CHORUS

Little Willy’s fate has taken some blows
He met the evil eye and he cut off his own nose
He tried to slap it back on, but it’s upside down
Now every time it drizzles Willy almost drowns
CHORUS

Little Willy was home by himself
Found a chocolate cake on the kitchen shelf
He thought he was lucky to eat the cake
But the cake was poisoned and now it’s too late
CHORUS

Little Willy saw a mill saw buzz
Didn’t quite know what it was
He grabbed the saw, but it was playing tricks
And now poor Willy has been cut in six
CHORUS

Little Willy found some dynamite
But the label he couldn’t read, quite
He grabbed a few sticks, tossed them in a blaze
His poor ashes have been raining down for several days
CHORUS

Little Willy’s been burned to ashes
Maybe we all need some glasses
By and by the site got chilly
But no one cared to stir up Willy
CHORUS

Little Willy came home from school
Spied a half dollar at the foot of a mule
Stooped down to pick it up, quiet as a mouse
Funeral tomorrow at Little Willy’s house
CHORUS

Little Willy had a knack
For going camping on the railroad tracks
Midnight express came round the bend
What kind of flowers did you send?
CHORUS

Little Willy fell down the elevator
There they found him six months later
They held their noses and said, “Gee whiz!”
“What a spoiled child our Little Willy is!”
CHORUS

Little Willy standing on the window sill
Thought he would go to war at Bunker Hill
The battle was hot, but this I’ll vow
It’s a darn sight hotter where Willy is now
CHORUS

Little Willy, what the heck?
He fell down the well and broke his neck
His voice called out, but he was on his own
Nobody found him and he died alone
CHORUS

Little Willy went hunting to give a scare
But he was chased down by a grizzly bear
The people all thought he was out of his mind
When the bear ate his brains and left the rest behind
CHORUS

There was an old lady by the name of Nan
Who tried to pass as the Good Humor man
Couldn’t fool the kids; they all stayed home
Except Willy, who bought an ice cream cone
CHORUS

Little Willy was from Mobile
Now he’s got a face like a lemon peel
He has a wart on the end of his chin
He says it is a dimple, but a dimple turns in
CHORUS

I asked an old man about a hundred years old
How long he’d been working on this old railroad
He looks at me and he tells me, “Son...”
“I was Little Willy on the train’s last run.”
CHORUS