Alan,

If you want to get in trouble let me tell you how to do it,
Get yourself a guitar and then you?re right into it,
You play all day and you play all night,
People say you? ll never learn to play the thing right,
Always groaning at you, moaning, won't let you get practice

So I bought myself a guitar about a year ago,
Man gave me a deal on my piano(?),
Gave me a little book, Pick of 2,
Bloke said I could learn it in a week or 2,
Dirty rotter,
cost me 14 nicker,
all the loot I had.
Good guitar though,
Called it a pluckit.

So I spent me doh and I couldn?t let it all go to waste you know,
So I took the book guitar and all,
And I went back home where the trees are tall,
Down in Woodford.
Good place to be if you got a guitar,
Pretty rotten if you ain?t.

So for weeks and weeks I worked hard,
Tried to learn a few main chords,
Stuck the guitar across my knee,
Cor my fingers was killing me.
Got sore on the ends,
Couldn't hold the strings down,
Wanted to pack up,
Cor I felt rough.

But I kept on playing with all me might,
I could see Mum's hair was turning white,
Her face was lined with discontent,
She said her patience was pretty near spent,
She was nervous,
Ears ringing wanted to scream,
Couldn't get no relief.

Sister she took it worst of all,
Cos she got married the following fall,
She said for love but I got me doubts,
I reckon the guitar drove her out.
She's a game girl,
Just couldn't take it,
You know, Limit to everything.

Dad he took it a different way,
He said U can turn your Mum's hair grey,
Drive your sister away from home,
But U and me boy's gonna start to roam,
And I ain?t going,
You figure it out,
so I did
Fast.

Anyway next day I had me clothes all packed,
Slung the guitar across me back,
Caught meself a great long train,
Searched the world for me share of fame.
Ain?t found none,
Just hardships,
messing about,
skiffle,
Tommy Steel.