Fool Brittania. Tune: Cruising round Yarmouth.

69 pennies per person, we're told,
Is all that it costs for the Royal Household,
That's all that we pay for the Queen and her clan
For Charles, Camilla and Andrew and Anne.
      So stiff upper lip chaps, it's rude to complain,
      Just sing Rule Britannia and pay up again.

There's William and Catherine and kids one, two, three,
No rape clause applies, they get everything free!
Prince Harry and Meghan are ready to breed,
Austerity, taxes, we've more mouths to feed.
      So stiff upper lip chaps, it's rude to complain,
      Just sing Rule Britannia and pay up again.

But what's the real cost to keep Lizzie and Phil?
It's just a few grand over seventy mil.
Prince Charles pays taxes, he says, without fuss
But the money he uses it all comes from us.
      So stiff upper lip chaps, it's rude to complain,
      Just sing Rule Britannia and pay up again.

The poor folk are starving, the homeless sleep rough,
But Andrew and Fergie they can't get enough.
Their daughter got married and we had to pay,
We forked out two million for her wedding day.
      So stiff upper lip chaps, it's rude to complain,
      Just sing Rule Britannia and pay up again.

They're getting a rise costing millions they say,
While teachers and nurses exist on low pay.
It's time for a change in the way that were ruled,
Too long we've been sponged on, too long we've been fooled
      So up the Republic, it's time to complain
      And no British monarch shall over us reign.
      Yes! up the Republic, it's time to complain
      And no British monarch shall over us reign.