You can hear this at YouTube:


GHOST OF AN OLD KING’S JESTER
As recorded by Mr Flotsam & Mr. Jetsam, 1932.

Is it true?—What?—Can you—Well?—
Inform me if there’s such a thing
As a theatre-ghost—A theatre ghost?—
That waits until the crowd is gone
And then at midnight, maybe one,
Comes out and—? I know what you mean.
A ghost like that I’ve heard and seen
And met.—You’ve what?—
I have.—You’ve not!—
Upon this very spot!

You’ve taken the wind from out my sails.
It must be the same old spook, all right,
I met on the stairs the other night.

You’ve heard each theatre has its ghost,
Shade of a bygone day,
That lurks unseen behind a post
And watches each new play.

There’s one of whom the records tell—
His story you should know.
He was a fool in cap and bell
Three hundred years ago.

Ghost of an old king’s jester, he’s a wise old spook, I vow,
But he’s glad, i’faith, that he’s just a wraith and not a jester now.

He watches with ghostly anguish young actors in their plight,
When a new play flags and the so-called gags fall flat on the opening night.

“Is the modern audience handcuffed? Are their hearts all made of stone?”
He says to his spectral self, says he, and vanishes with a groan.

Court jester once was he, I vow,
But he wouldn’t be court-jesting now.

Three hundred years ago, his tales
Would make the welkin ring.
Today they bore the Prince of Wales
And aggravate our king.

Loud laughs came easy in his life;
No beads upon his brow.
“That was no lady; ‘twas my wife”
Was sure-fire then, not now.

Ghost of an old king’s jester, no wonder he’d ’a’ rather stay
By hook or crook a carefree spook than be on the stage today.

His spectral Punchinello he holds in a ghostly grip,
And a knowing smile appears the while a-tremble upon his lip.

“Oh, my humour is now called slapstick. and a lowbrow ghost am I,”
He says to his poor transparent self and vanishes with a sigh.
Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
There’s truth in what he says, you know
Court jester once as records tell,

Kings fool was he in cap and bell
Three hundred years ago.