Post today:

First of all, a Happy New Year to all of you. I hope that 2019 brings you everything you would wish for yourself and others.

The rest of this post may be a little tiresome to read, but there are some things which I need to say so that friends and family know what is happening with me. I want to see you all again - and indeed there are plenty of folks here whom I have never met in the real world, whom I have been hoping to meet one day. This may not happen - and this is why:

I left Germany a few weeks ago, planning to move into a flat in Looe, Cornwall. From there it was my intention to build up work busking, gigging and translating. This plan collapsed almost immediately for various reasons. I am now living with my sister Debbie Hammacott, without whose help I might well be homeless - or possibly even dead.

To cut a long story short, within a couple of weeks of my arrival, she recognised that I was seriously ill. I was hospitalised with jaundice symptoms, which were very similar to those of the Hepatitis B, which nearly killed me thirty years ago. The medics quickly established that the cause was non-viral, but the next finding was little better. I have pancreatic cancer, which they suspected had spread to the lungs. If it has, then I will soon be going the way of Monty Python's Norwegian Blue Parrot! There is still enough doubt about the lungs (which could still be dashed) that surgery to remove the tumor appears to be an option. I will be returning to the hospital next week on the 8th to meet the medical team to hear what the options are. Surgery will not be pleasant - and not without attendant dangers either. If our hopes are not dashed by the next CT/CAT scan, it will probably go ahead and then there will be some sort of road map by the end of January.

For the time being, I am in a wonderful place, able to walk in my favourite place in the world. I am at peace with my family in Germany and the UK. I am in no pain and I have no fear of death. If it comes I will simply go to sleep and leave everyone else to do the work! My friends have been wonderful and a visit from my beautiful daughter last week calmed me more than anything else in the world. I was so impressed by her calmness and courage.

I will decline radio and chemo therapy if they are offered. Few people survive pancreatic cancer. It's the one you don't want to get, because the symptoms are so insidious that it can creep up on you before you know you have got it. I was attributing the stomach discomfort at night to eating too late and too much, the itching to dry skin and the sudden, inexplicable, overwhelming fatigue to my natural indolence. I also had the vanity to imagine that because I was a non-smoking, light drinking, fitness aware vegetarian, that I might somehow be granted a free lunch. That vanity has now gone up the Swanee!

I have no complaints and I have had wonderful people around me all my life, who have enabled me to do things most folks only dream of. I have all the support I need and I feel nothing but gratitude. If the surgery goes through, I have a good chance of surviving for some time yet. However I will not try to prolong my life with therapies (which are mainly inappropriate for this type of cancer anyway) just to give myself, the medical staff and those who love me a longer period of misery. I want quality of life - not quantity.

For those who have had the patience to read this far, thank-you very much. If I do have to go to that Great Busking Pitch in the Sky, please look after my family and comfort them. For the time being, I am going to try to live, to be my normal, annoying self and to have all the fun which this wicked old rascal possibly can. Love to all of you!

Blockquote formatting added to help clarify the post. ---sad mudelf