A travelling circus moving around The West Country stopped in Exeter - they hadn't set up their equipment when the lion tamer fell ill and was rushed to hospital
In a panic, they advertised in the local shop windows for a replacement and shortly an out-of-work farm labourer applied for the job, explaining he had never done this work before
"No problem" says the boss, "we'll train you - it shouldn't take long"
They showed him how to use the whip and cape and taught him the commands, without the lion of course, till they finally decided he was ready
Nervously, the man prepared to go into the cage and timorously asked, "what if he doesn't obey and goes for me?"
"In that case" he is told, "you slowly back towards the gate, speaking calmly to him and, when you reach the gate you drop the whip and cape, point straight at him and command himn to stop - that should give you enough time to open the gate and escape"
"but what if he still keeps coming at me?"
"In that case, you reach behind you, pick up a lump of shit, and throw it at him, aiming straight between the eyes"
"But what if there's no shit?" he asks.
"Oh, there will be"
Jim Carroll