Become peckish after a glass of wine or three.

Wait 'til the missus goes to bed.

Seize can of Ambrosia custard and apply can opener.

Eat furtively straight from can, keeping clanking noises to minimum.

Rinse can thoroughly (don't forget lid) so that rubbish bin won't smell suspiciously of custard in the morning. Hide can in bin under at least six inches of rubbish.

Spend ten minutes utterly consumed by guilt and work out ploy to replace can in cupboard undetected at earliest opportunity.

Clean teeth before retiring. And no custardy belches in bed.