Your lamp has got diarrhoea.

Its your own fault. your support for the EEC has led you to feed it gooey French cheese, spicey German sausages and , and low quality warm water fish from seas which foreigners have been crapping in. Dirty buggers the lot of them!

A diet of British farm eggs will set it right. Eggs are very binding.

I doubt your lamp will be capable of squeezing more than one decent sized turd a week, but it will be a turd of a satisying firmness - the kind of turds that built the empire.