Hi Mrrzy,

Thanks for your explanation. I can relate to some of what you are saying. I cry when I am angry because I feel powerless when I am angry and my natural instinct is to lash out at people. That sounds like a simple statement but I did not understand that until I was about 30, i.e. over 30 years ago.

Having made the connection between anger and powerlessness has helped me to "put a lid" (most of the time) on my impulsively angry outbursts and to channel the anger into researching and understanding the situation so that I can a) work out what I can do about it and b) take that action using controlled emotions and strategies. That was extremely useful in my last job because I was a union delegate and I could also be part of the process to help others to find solutions for issues they were facing.

You seem to be making a lot of progress in your life.

Hang in there. Look for support networks and systems so that you are not on your own. I don't just mean when you are literally on your own, but in working towards better outcomes in your life.

The chorus of this song has been popping into my head and it is what I hope for you:
The Master's Apprentices - It's Because I Love You

"Do what you want to do, be what you want to be, yeah"

But, by trying to search for that song I just found the lyrics of another song that I have never heard:

T-Connection - Do What You Wanna Do

Everybody's startin' to pick on you
Just can't let them tell you what to do
You've only got one life, so live it cool
In this world of strife, you can't be a fool

Don't let nobody tell ya what to do
You gotta be your judge, and your jury too
Don't let nobody tell ya what to do
Gotta be your judge and jury too

This website helped me enormously when I was being bullied by the manager at work, i.e. when I posted the "Help, lost my sense of humour" thread.

Bully Online

I didn't even know I was being bullied until someone at work finally talked to me instead of ignoring my pain and she mentioned the word "sociopath". I looked it up online and found Tim Field's website.

Suddenly I could see more clearly what that person had been doing, not just to me but to a whole series of people. It has helped me since then because instead of struggling to identify what a bully or sociopathic personality is doing, I can see it for what it is very quickly. Knowledge is strength. Knowledge isn't the complete solution but it provides a window into creating strategies to deal with the issues.

I am going to send a brief PM to you because there is information about a friend of mine which I would like to share with you.

I am wishing you all the best in life.

Helen