When I was a teenager-ish and still being herded to Mass by my parents, on one occasion there had been a national shortage of bog paper. Can't remember why, a strike or something... From the pulpit at St Mary's in Radcliffe, Father Sefton, in his sermon, gave the whole congregation at 11 o'clock Mass a severe and prolonged bollocking for lusting after toilet paper...Wasn't like this in his day...squares of newspaper with holes in one corner hung up over the thunder box on a loop of string... We all looked at each other, completely mystified as to why he was excoriating us for something we hadn't even given a second thought to... That was definitely the weirdest sermon I ever heard, and that includes dozens given by beloved Father Curran who never knew how to finish...