A man goes to the doctors with a rash on his penis - the doctor examines him, straightens up and says, "You've got the clap"
The man says, "But I'm a virgin - I've never had sex"
Puzzled, the doctor asks him, "Do you masturbate"
"Yes I do" came the reply
"Do you do it fast or slow" asks the doctor
"Slow" says the man, "I like to savour it"
"That explains it" says the doctor, "You're suffering from slow hand clap"
Jim