Been There, Done That, Got The T-Shirt!

In my case I was the husband and she was asking for the divorce. We had been together 17 years. Your description sounds very familiar however she had asked for the divorce twice before and each time we managed to convince ourselves (myself?) that we could make it work.

No matter how you tell him it's gonna hurt. Just do it. As Kendall says, if you think he might be violent then have help standing by and then get out of the house. DO NOT HAVE A MALE BE YOUR HELPER!!! That will make things worse (We are talking basic animal instinct here.)

Assuming no violence and outrage then you can, after the tears, start to work together on splitting up the family and possessions. This is going to be hard. You may feel nothing for him now but you are about to open up a whole new range of emotions. Work with your counselor. You will need him/her.

Here in Maine it is possible to do your own divorce and avoid paying for a set of lawyers. Check to see if that is available in your state/locale.

The most important point is to keep things as amicable as possible. My wife and I worked to keep things from being too stressful on the kids and were largely successful. Once the decision was made we had to prepare paperwork and sell the house. We split the proceeds 75-25 and went on to build other lives.

She is now happily re-married. I am still single and lonely. That's life. We'd both be miserable if we'd stayed together. I have been in one very happy relationship and will someday be in another.

Good luck.