Re: Male Helper

I lost my last SO to another man. Our relationship was really over before he came along but I kept on working away at it. When reality hit me I went through every negative emotion known to the human race. I may have even invented a few!

My point is that a male helper, even being completely innocent, will cloud the issue. There is a basic instinct that will kick in and no amount of explanation will be able to keep the husband from thinking of the helper as a rival. If Milly is going to keep this as easy as possible she needs to be aware of the potential emotions and reactions her husband will exhibit and work to ease them as much as possible. If he isn't going to a counselor then he is going to be facing this alone.

Concerning the kids... As I said we worked together to keep them from getting too stressed. They were 14 and 12 years old. We gave them the option of who to live with and they chose to live with their mother. I believe she may have pressured them but I didn't fight it. A year after the divorce the older one moved in with me and now I have the younger one so I "win" in the end.

The worst thing you can do is leave the kids out of the equation. Kids are already essentially powerless. When the family breaks up they can possibly see themselves as being at fault. They can also feel helpless and alone. You and your husband will have to work at reassuring them that everything will be all right. Their father/mother will not be far away and they will be able to see him/her and talk to him/her when they need to.

Milly, no matter what your differences with your husband I hope you and he are able to do this amicably and minimize the stress on the kids.

Good Luck