I agree that a male "helper" is not a good idea. If there is a potential issue then try your best to do it in a public place, outside the home. If you can't get him to agree, then (last resort) use the phone. I still think that doing this as fast as you can is the best thing.

One last note. I went back and read all of your posts again. Aside from, "I can't imagine my life without him", I don't see ANY positive comments about him. He doesn't like your friends, makes you ask permission to watch TV, and doesn't bath often......seems that even that comment might not be a positive one. Maybe what you can't imagine is how great life could be if you could just start over again..... The rest of your life is waiting....

Frank