My divorce was amicable and no children were involved. My advice is a guess as each circumstance is different. If you feel he will be violent by all means have a witness there and a male relative would be my choice. If he won't get counseling, you have to pull the pin, Milly. I'm not a huge advocate of divorce but this guy sounds like he's a violent controlling individual. He doesn't appear to be interested in you or in maintaining the marriage. Staying married for the children isn't a workable solution. They know and will be resentful if you stay in a hate filled relationship. Nobody wins in that game. You have a hard row to how, young Lady. I feel for you. I hope and pray that this works out for you. Kindest reguards, Neil