This is a blatant spin-off from the " what song should I know you by thread?". That was too hard for me to answer but funerals were mentioned several times and I have always been clear on what I wanted played on that occasion.

The Last Will and Testament of Jake Thackray

By Jake Thackray

I the undermentioned by this document
Do declare my true intention
My last will, my testament
When I turn up me toes, when I rattle me clack
When I agonise
I want no great, wet weepings, no tearing of hair
No wringing of hands, no sighs, no lack-a-days
No woe is me's,and none of your sad adieus
Go, go, go and get the priest and then
Go get the booze boys

Death where is thy victory?Grave, where is thy sting?
When I snuff it, bury me quickly then let carousal begin
But not a do with a few ham sandwiches,
A sausage roll or two and a small port wine please
Roll the carpet right back get cracking
With your old gay gordons and your knees up,
Shake it up, sup it up, live it up kind of time
And if the coppers come around then tell them
The party's mine, boys

Let best beef be eaten, fill every empty glass
Let no breast be beaten, let no tooth be gnashed
Don't bother with a fancy tombstone, or a big deal angel
Or a little copper flower pot
Grow a dog rose in my eyes or a pussy willow
But no forget me nots, no epitaphs, no keepsakes
You can let me memory slip
You can say a prayer or two for me soul then
But make it quick boys

Lady if your bosom is heaving
Don't waste your bosom on me
Heave it for a man who is breathing, a man who can feel
A man who can see
And to my cronies you can read me books
You can drive around in me motor car
You can fish your trout with my fly and tackle
You can play on my guitar and sing my songs,
Wear me shirts,You can even settle me debts
You can kiss my little missus if she's willing but
No regrets boys

Your rose buds are numbered,
Gather them now for rosebuds sake
And if your hands aren't too encumbered
Gather a bud or two for Jake