Transcribed by ear from the link Joe provided. There's still one word towards the end which I couldn't get but it'll get you most of the way there. I assume it's a Jewish/Yiddish word, but I'm not sure.

It should be noted that this song is probably about Rabbi Mordechai Finkelman, a long-time Jewish educator.

WHERE IS RABBI FINKLEMAN
(Andy Breckman

You got a young girl in Kentucky with a pimple at the prom
She's in the corner, she's wishing she was dead
You got an old man in Miami with a television on
He got no reason to get out of bed

You got a lady in Connecticut whose second husband drowned
The tide come in and took him right away
You got misery and heartache every time you turn around
And everywhere you hear the people say

CHORUS
Where Is Rabbi Finkleman, oh brother, where Is Rabbi Finkleman?
Oh! Where Is Rabbi Finkleman?
He promised us he'd be here if we ever needed him
Where is Rabbi Finkleman?

My brother's cutting gym class 'cause he cannot climb the rope
He just can't get his feet up off the ground
My sister's in her bedroom with a half a pound of dope
I get the car and start to drive around

Why, you can read it a paper, you can see it on the street
There is something wholly missing from our lives
Every person on a subway, every stranger that you meet
You can see the hunger burning in their eyes

CHORUS (They say...)

Oh where is he?
Oh woe, is me
We'll keep the door unlocked in case he happens to drop in
Where is Rabbi Finkleman?

This afternoon I went upstairs to get my ball and bat
When I opened up the closet door
There was a little man in pigtails and a teeny tiny hat
Saying ?cottish? on a closet floor

He said "For God's sake man, I beg you, do not tell them where I am!"
He said "They're crazy, there's no guessing what they'll do!"
He said "I was only kidding when I claimed to have a plan"
He said "I'm really just as lost as all of you"

CHORUS (We go...)