Milly, I for one am willing to "pretend" you are a real person with a real problem. Everything I said above stands. This is a difficult decision.

I see your insistance that he is a good person as being a self deception. Sure the kids may love him but that does not validate your belief that he is a good person. Consider that your sons are learning how to treat women from him and you have not (apparently) disagreed with that training. (i.e., you've been kept barefoot and pregnant for the last 16 years. Well, pregnant at least.) If you don't take a stand you will be able to watch your sons make the same mistakes he has made. And there is the possibility that your daughters, learning from their mother, will subconsciously look for a man who will treat them as your husband has treated you.

I know I have extrapolated a great deal from the little information provided but I can guarantee that kids learn behavior patterns from their parents. I have seen it over and over in other families and to some extent I see it in my own. Fortunately the kids' peers will have some impact on their development. And you can talk to them to make sure they understand why you were unhappy in your marriage.